The End: AuthorTrackers & Shocking Secrets

[Dante]

Bet you anything that the next AuthorTracker comes today and talks about the new Vile Videos.

Edit: Actually, I take that back. They've not been terribly predictable before; it took them two months to mention the Shocking Secrets in AuthorTracker.

Edit Again: Golly, that was quick! And I was right. And I got it on time. Possibly because the address I received it from wasn't actually AuthorTracker, apparently, but a HarperCollins newsletter address in the same style, although I'm still counting it.

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Dear Reader,

The End is like a terrible storm, because you can see it approaching, it showers debris everywhere, and you are likely to get hit in the face with something unpleasant. Consider what The End is already blowing your way:

The Vile Videos. "12 Books in 120 Seconds," the first in a series of three panic-stricken videos leading up to The End, has appeared at lemonysnicket.com. Narrated by the infamous Tim Curry, it threatens to expose you to everything the Baudelaire orphans have suffered so far, in less time than it takes to brush one’s teeth.

The Beatrice Letters. You certainly shouldn’t pre-order this book, unless you want to be among the first investigators to read its shocking collection of correspondence and evidence, and to attempt to unscramble its letters to learn the truth about what happens in The End.

Mr. Snicket on Tour. For what we can only hope is the last time, Mr. Snicket will travel the country, warning innocent people not to read his latest work. In an alarming number of cases, he will appear with illustrator Mr. Brett Helquist and/or the musical group The Gothic Archies, who will soon release an entire album of music inspired by Mr. Snicket’s books.

Sadly, if the unfortunate events described in this e-mail are any indication, The End might also be the end of you.

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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[Gigi]

I was just about to post the Author-Tracker since I just got mine too. For once, you saw it first!

Sadly, it doesn't really tell us anything that we didn't already know. You already found all the information that they listed.

[Dante]

And another one, although I was expecting it.

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September 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: Beatrice Letters Unsealed
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Dear Reader,

Today, Lemony Snicket unsealed The Beatrice Letters, and of all the letters found inside, there is one that perfectly describes readers' experiences: the letter O, as in "O my!" "O no!" and "O, I see!"

The startling secrets begin on the book's cover, where there is a hidden image only the most careful observers will detect. Then, the exquisite bound portfolio opens to reveal two mysterious file folders: one is stuffed with Mr. Snicket's secret correspondence, beginning with a message scrawled on a calling card bearing the moniker, "Lemony Snicket, Student of Rhetoric;" the other is reserved for different letters altogether. Shocking details of Mr. Snicket's early and later life are everywhere, along with a black and white photograph of a lock of hair tied with ribbon. The importance of root beer is clear. Even the final desperate telegram from the Nocturnal Phonographic Telegrammatic Corps appears. Letters of the alphabet demand to be punched out, rearranged, and rearranged again. And buried in one of the folders, the true investigator will find a vibrant double-sided poster by illustrator Brett Helquist that some believe holds endless clues to The End.

This may be the most intriguing book ever published. Indeed, it would be a mistake for most people to read it. Then again, people shouldn't watch the Vile Videos either.

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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Edit: It sure is nice to get AuthorTrackers on time these days. It sure is a good thing I signed up again on three separate e-mail addresses and that they're sending it from a different e-mail address as well.

[Jacques the Environmentalist]

Hey we got one early! Though in this case that's to be expect. Ten bucks says we get October's on the 13th.
I, being stupid and unobservant, hadn't noticed the hidden silhouette at all. *sigh*

[Dante]

I'm pretty sure that AuthorTracker (and, presumably, these current newsletters even though they aren't on an AuthorTracker address) have to send out an e-mail about a book the day it's released, so yes, October 13th would be a good bet. There's kind of a lot to talk about, though, with TTT and The End itself, so maybe they'll break their one-a-month pattern. Alternatively, maybe they won't.

[cephaus]

New Author tracker today...

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September 2006





We're sorry to tell you that a second Vile Video, "The Snicket Emergency," has appeared at LemonySnicket.com. Prepared by the London Branch of the Herpetological Society, it presents a grim commentary on the worldwide suffering caused by A Series of Unfortunate Events. Some believe this video is much more upsetting than "12 Books in 120 Seconds." Others think it contains part of a crucial secret code.

The End will be here in less than a month, and everything—from the mysterious contents of the new book The Beatrice Letters to the online Vile Videos—suggests it will be a very unhappy one. Some have already begun pre-ordering their copies of Book the Thirteenth, hoping to be among the first to put themselves out of their misery.

Meanwhile, certain secret organizations can't seem to leave bad enough alone. It seems Book the Twelfth: The Penultimate Peril has been nominated for a prestigious Quill Book Award, as the best chapter book of the year. If you vote for it before September 30, it just might win.

It is our solemn duty to send you these updates, but you are free not to read them. Oops—too late.

With all due respect,

Harpercollins publishers

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[Dante]

I got it too, and at the right time, but unfortunately the right time was while I was in school with about three or four hours to go before I could check my e-mail. It's been added to the first post, anyway.

Edit: Oh, and for the record, I was pretty confident that they'd break their e-mail-a-month pattern for this.

Edit Again: October's first Snicket e-mail - I almost thought there wouldn't be one, but it turns out they sent it mysteriously a few hours late.

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Lemony Snicket: Snicket Caught on Tape as The End Approaches!
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October 2006

Dear Reader,

The End is almost here. On Friday the 13th of October, Book the Thirteenth, the last-ever installment in A Series of Unfortunate Events, will be published. Millions around the world are pulling their hair out in anticipation and worry, an expression which here means "many are going bald."

In perhaps the worst sign yet of how terrible The End will be, the third and final Vile Video has appeared at lemonysnicket.com. Mr. Snicket—a man so elusive he has rarely been caught on tape—can be seen frontally for 60 harrowing, uninterrupted seconds. This is undoubtedly the most unsettling performance of the song "Scream and Run Away" ever witnessed.

Anyone who sees this video certainly won't want to buy The Gothic Archies album "The Tragic Treasury," which includes "Scream and Run Away" and fourteen other songs inspired by Mr. Snicket's work. Nor will they wish to complete the startling hidden message strewn across all three videos.

On Friday the 13th, the world will know the fate of the Baudelaire orphans and Count Olaf in the books of A Series of Unfortunate Events. Are you certain you want to finish them off?

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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Edit Once More:

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Lemony Snicket: THE END IS HERE
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Friday the 13th
October 2006

Dear Reader,

THE END IS HERE.

A few short hours ago, the thirteenth and final book in A Series of Unfortunate Events went on sale. At last, the harrowing story of the Baudelaire orphans is complete.

Mr. Snicket has always said, "If you like stories with happy endings, read something else." Today, it is clear that he has not, as many hoped, been kidding.

With the arrival of every new installment in Mr. Snicket's research, there have been new questions: Who set that terrible fire? What happened to the Incredibly Deadly Viper? Who is Beatrice? Where did the Baudelaire's parents go? Did the orphans survive? If nothing is out there, then what was that noise?

Today, we have our answers.

Our sincere condolences go out to all those who have followed the Baudelaire's journey. At least the suffering is over.

Or perhaps the worst is yet to come.

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers