The End: AuthorTrackers & Shocking Secrets

[Dante]

January: Friday 13th

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Lemony Snicket - AuthorTracker News from HarperCollins
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Friday the 13th
January 2006

Dear Reader,

Less than two weeks after 2006 arrived amidst great excitement and optimism, something terrible happened at 12:01 a.m. this morning: Friday the 13th arrived.
Under normal circumstances, today's date would be unfortunate. This year, it is even more ominous, a word which here means "extremely worrisome." That is because this terribly unlucky day occurs TWICE in 2006.
Associates at LemonySnicket.com predict that the second time, Friday, October 13, will bring The End. Of what, however--the Baudelaire orphans? Lemony Snicket himself? Thursday, October 12th?--remains unclear.
There is much to fear in the coming months--alarming puzzles, distressing notations, a series of communications from someone named Beatrice. All of us at AuthorTracker will continue to try to locate the elusive Mr. Snicket, gather information, understand the truth, and share our findings with you.
Still, we are sorry to ruin your year after only 12 days. Perhaps 2007 will be cheerier.

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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February: Tuesday 21st

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Lemony Snicket - AuthorTracker News from HarperCollins
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February 2006

Dear Reader,

With only eight months remaining until The End, there has never been a more crucial time for you to hone your investigative skills. And while accepting advice from strange emails is something we at AuthorTracker generally don?t recommend, we will tell you that there are two new books of which you should be aware. Both are required reading for anyone who may be, has been, or never wants to be a part of the secret organization known as V.F.D.
On the surface, the new edition of The Puzzling Puzzles, which features 16 pages of never-before-seen convoluted crafts, enigmatic enigmas, perplexing pictures, terminal trivia questions, and laborious language games, may seen like fun. And yet completing this book of brainteasers will equip you with essential skills for your V.F.D. training.
In addition, the mark of any good researcher, writer, or volunteer is a small book filled with observations, revelations, and shopping lists. The Notorious Notations is a blank book with ruled pages, art by Brett Helquist, and quotations from Mr. Snicket's archives. This journal can hold all your upsetting research as you work towards solving the mysteries of A Series of Unfortunate Events.
Both of these books are sure to make your life barely bearable, unbearably bare, unbearably unbearable, or all three.

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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March: Thursday 16th

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Lemony Snicket: The End is Near
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Thirteen Shocking Secrets you'll wish you never knew about Lemony Snicket

Front Cover

Pages 1 & 2

SHOCKING SECRET NUMBER #1
Lemony Snicket is not you think he is.

Page 3, Suspicious Characters

SHOCKING SECRET NUMBER #2
Lemony Snicket is one of three siblings.

SHOCKING SECRET #3
Lemony Snicket's niece is an orphan.

Page 4

SHOCKING SECRET NUMBER #4
Lemony Snicket is wanted for arson.

Page 5

SHOCKING SECRET NUMBER #5
Lemony Snicket grew up with a terrible villian.

Page 6

SHOCKING SECRET #6
Lemony Snicket attended boarding school.

Page 7

SHOCKING SECRET NUMBER #7
When he was a baby, Lemony Snicket was kidnapped by a secret organization.

Page 8

SHOCKING SECRET NUMBER #8
Lemony Snicket was fired from The Daily Punctilio.

Page 9

SHOCKING SECRET #9
Lemony Snicket helped Beatrice commit a serious crime before her death.

Page 10

SHOCKING SECRET #10
Lemony Snicket was disguised as a bullfighter when he was captured.

Page 11

SHOCKING SECRET #11
Lemony Snicket's work is filled with secret messages meant for his associates.

Page 12

SHOCKING SECRET NUMBER #12
Lemony Snicket has a tattoo of an eye on his ankle.

Page 13

SHOCKING SECRET NUMBER #13
HE IS FINISHED

Back Cover
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April: Saturday 1st

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Lemony Snicket - AuthorTracker News from HarperCollins
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April 1, 2006

Dear Reader,

All of us at HarperCollins Children’s Books would like to extend our sincere apologies for yesterday’s surprising public announcement by Lemony Snicket. We discourage our authors from disclosing the contents of a book so far in advance of its publication -- especially a book as highly anticipated as Book the Thirteenth, The End, which will not be released until October 13, 2006.

As a courtesy to dedicated fans, we thought it only fair to share Mr. Snicket’s revelations in an open forum. Below is the key information revealed by Mr. Snicket regarding the upcoming final installment of A Series of Unfortunate Events.

• Yes, the Baudelaire siblings’ difficult journey comes to a triumphant end.
  
• Yes, their parents are very happy with their new home.
  
• Yes, Klaus Baudelaire does skip a grade and win a spelling bee.
  
• Yes, Count Olaf gives each of the children a pony.
  
• Yes, Beatrice is actually the hook-handed man.
  
• Yes, they all live happily ever after, a phrase which here means “plus eternity times infinity!!”

Mr. Snicket also revealed that The Beatrice Letters, a collection of personal letters which will be published in September, is full of funny poems and doodles of unicorns.

We hope that none of this information will lessen your interest in Mr. Snicket’s research. Just because everything turns out perfectly in The End certainly does not justify the terrible things that have befallen the Baudelaires over the course of the last twelve books.

Thank you for your support.

Happy April Fool’s Day,

HarperCollins Publishers
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May: Monday 15th

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Lemony Snicket: Thirteen Secrets revealed before Book the Thirteenth!
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May 2006

Dear Reader,

We wish we weren’t obligated to share the cover of Book the Thirteenth with you the moment it arrived, under cover of night, from illustrator Brett Helquist. However, you did sign up to receive exclusive updates concerning Lemony Snicket. As a result, we have no choice.



As alarming as this cover is, the good news is that The End won’t arrive until Friday the 13th, October 2006. The bad news is that “Thirteen Shocking Secrets You’ll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket,” which volunteers everywhere are already using to prepare themselves for The End, is available for download right now.



Consider the ominous introduction to this alarming free booklet: “There are certain individuals who think they know what Lemony Snicket’s books are about. They are under the impression they understand who he is. They believe they know what to expect....In fact, the truth is far worse than such people ever imagined.”

We’d understand completely if you never wanted to open another e-mail from us again.

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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June: Wednesday 21st

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Lemony Snicket: Have a Miserable Summer
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June, 2006

Dear Reader,

Congratulations on making it to the end of the school year. Now that summer is here, you probably think that this is a good time to relax and have fun. Unfortunately, you are completely mistaken.

With less than four months until The End, the thirteenth and final book in A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket, there is very little time for you to complete your research. Mr. Snicket's work is filled with unanswered questions, and only the most well-read citizens will be prepared to ask them all. Responsible volunteers around the world are rushing to review the available evidence, namely:

• The first twelve books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, which include sentences like, "The middle Baudelaire looked at his mother's coat, which had a secret pocket on the inside."
  
  
• Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography, which contains such confounding secrets as the lyrics to a folk ballad called "The Little Snicket Lad," whose chorus is: "When we grab you by the ankles, / Where our mark is to be made, /You'll so-on be do-ing no-ble work, /Although you won't be paid."
  
  
• An earth-shattering book containing private papers which we are forbidden to tell you about, but which is coming in September and includes such sentiments as, "The only other student I know in this class is O., who is nothing but an annoyance. As I write this, he is filling his notebook with anagrams of obscene words."

To guide their preparations for The End, many volunteers are already using the document called 13 Shocking Secrets You'll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket. Others have enrolled in summer school, hoping to distract themselves with cafeteria food and remedial gym class rather than spend the coming months sunburnt with worry. Still others have deleted this e-mail without reading it.

Clearly, you've already made your choice. When it comes to The End, we hope it's the right one.

With all due respect,

HarperColllinsPublishers
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July: Thursday 20th

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Lemony Snicket: Beatrice Unveiled
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July 2006

Dear Reader,

In less than three months, The End will be here. Will the Baudelaire children survive the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events? Will bookstores everywhere be stormed by angry mobs? Will nobility prevail? Will Beatrice, to whom Lemony Snicket has dedicated every book in A Series of Unfortunate Events, miraculously return? Will the world lie in blubbering ruins?

Alarmingly, one or more of these questions might be answered sooner than you think. On September 5, a matter of weeks before the publication of The End, Lemony Snicket will release The Beatrice Letters, an unbearably private collection of personal correspondence. Including a note passed in class, a startling telegram, a coded sonnet, and a desperate plea for assistance between Mr. Snicket and Beatrice, the trove of evidence starts long before The Bad Beginning and extends far beyond The End.

Thousands have already downloaded and sought to complete "13 Shocking Secrets You'll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket," hoping to be ready for the final installment in A Series of Unfortunate Events. The Beatrice Letters suggests that there is at least one -- and possibly two -- more secrets you need to know.

Don't you wish we hadn't mentioned it?

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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August: Wednesday 30th

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August 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: Vile Videos and Other Omens
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August 2006

Dear Reader,

The End is like a terrible storm, because you can see it approaching, it showers debris everywhere, and you are likely to get hit in the face with something unpleasant. Consider what The End is already blowing your way:

The Vile Videos. "12 Books in 120 Seconds," the first in a series of three panic-stricken videos leading up to The End, has appeared at lemonysnicket.com. Narrated by the infamous Tim Curry, it threatens to expose you to everything the Baudelaire orphans have suffered so far, in less time than it takes to brush one’s teeth.

The Beatrice Letters. You certainly shouldn’t pre-order this book, unless you want to be among the first investigators to read its shocking collection of correspondence and evidence, and to attempt to unscramble its letters to learn the truth about what happens in The End.

Mr. Snicket on Tour. For what we can only hope is the last time, Mr. Snicket will travel the country, warning innocent people not to read his latest work. In an alarming number of cases, he will appear with illustrator Mr. Brett Helquist and/or the musical group The Gothic Archies, who will soon release an entire album of music inspired by Mr. Snicket’s books.

Sadly, if the unfortunate events described in this e-mail are any indication, The End might also be the end of you.

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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September: Tuesday 5th

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September 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: Beatrice Letters Unsealed
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Dear Reader,

Today, Lemony Snicket unsealed The Beatrice Letters, and of all the letters found inside, there is one that perfectly describes readers' experiences: the letter O, as in "O my!" "O no!" and "O, I see!"

The startling secrets begin on the book's cover, where there is a hidden image only the most careful observers will detect. Then, the exquisite bound portfolio opens to reveal two mysterious file folders: one is stuffed with Mr. Snicket's secret correspondence, beginning with a message scrawled on a calling card bearing the moniker, "Lemony Snicket, Student of Rhetoric;" the other is reserved for different letters altogether. Shocking details of Mr. Snicket's early and later life are everywhere, along with a black and white photograph of a lock of hair tied with ribbon. The importance of root beer is clear. Even the final desperate telegram from the Nocturnal Phonographic Telegrammatic Corps appears. Letters of the alphabet demand to be punched out, rearranged, and rearranged again. And buried in one of the folders, the true investigator will find a vibrant double-sided poster by illustrator Brett Helquist that some believe holds endless clues to The End.

This may be the most intriguing book ever published. Indeed, it would be a mistake for most people to read it. Then again, people shouldn't watch the Vile Videos either.

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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September: Tuesday 19th

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September 19, 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: New Vile Video Shocks Censors
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September 2006

Dear Reader,

We're sorry to tell you that a second Vile Video, "The Snicket Emergency," has appeared at LemonySnicket.com. Prepared by the London Branch of the Herpetological Society, it presents a grim commentary on the worldwide suffering caused by A Series of Unfortunate Events. Some believe this video is much more upsetting than "12 Books in 120 Seconds." Others think it contains part of a crucial secret code.

The End will be here in less than a month, and everything—from the mysterious contents of the new book The Beatrice Letters to the online Vile Videos—suggests it will be a very unhappy one. Some have already begun pre-ordering their copies of Book the Thirteenth, hoping to be among the first to put themselves out of their misery.

Meanwhile, certain secret organizations can't seem to leave bad enough alone. It seems Book the Twelfth: The Penultimate Peril has been nominated for a prestigious Quill Book Award, as the best chapter book of the year. If you vote for it before September 30, it just might win.

It is our solemn duty to send you these updates, but you are free not to read them. Oops—too late.

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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October: Friday 6th

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Lemony Snicket: Snicket Caught on Tape as The End Approaches!
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October 2006

Dear Reader,

The End is almost here. On Friday the 13th of October, Book the Thirteenth, the last-ever installment in A Series of Unfortunate Events, will be published. Millions around the world are pulling their hair out in anticipation and worry, an expression which here means "many are going bald."

In perhaps the worst sign yet of how terrible The End will be, the third and final Vile Video has appeared at lemonysnicket.com. Mr. Snicket—a man so elusive he has rarely been caught on tape—can be seen frontally for 60 harrowing, uninterrupted seconds. This is undoubtedly the most unsettling performance of the song "Scream and Run Away" ever witnessed.

Anyone who sees this video certainly won't want to buy The Gothic Archies album "The Tragic Treasury," which includes "Scream and Run Away" and fourteen other songs inspired by Mr. Snicket's work. Nor will they wish to complete the startling hidden message strewn across all three videos.

On Friday the 13th, the world will know the fate of the Baudelaire orphans and Count Olaf in the books of A Series of Unfortunate Events. Are you certain you want to finish them off?

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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October: Friday 13th

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Lemony Snicket: THE END IS HERE
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Friday the 13th
October 2006

Dear Reader,

THE END IS HERE.

A few short hours ago, the thirteenth and final book in A Series of Unfortunate Events went on sale. At last, the harrowing story of the Baudelaire orphans is complete.

Mr. Snicket has always said, "If you like stories with happy endings, read something else." Today, it is clear that he has not, as many hoped, been kidding.

With the arrival of every new installment in Mr. Snicket's research, there have been new questions: Who set that terrible fire? What happened to the Incredibly Deadly Viper? Who is Beatrice? Where did the Baudelaire's parents go? Did the orphans survive? If nothing is out there, then what was that noise?

Today, we have our answers.

Our sincere condolences go out to all those who have followed the Baudelaire's journey. At least the suffering is over.

Or perhaps the worst is yet to come.

With all due respect,

HarperCollins Publishers
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[Dante]

Preliminary discussion on the Shocking Secrets was begun here, so newcomers to this thread should read this first if they haven't already.

Secret #1: "Are you? Are you who I think you are?" Could be a reference to the taxi-driver, who quite a few people think is Snicket. It'd be somewhat obscure, though - something of an "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" moment, so I'd say not. I'll guess Snicket has some shocking secret. (At UE.com, they speculate that he is Sir, because of Sir's L.S. pyjamas. I think that'd be an awful twist, but it is my duty to communicate it.)

Secret #2: We knew this.

Secret #3: The only Snicket child we know of is Kit's child, but Kit isn't dead and her baby hasn't even been born yet. I think this information is supposed to allude to events in the TPP timeframe, rather than looking back smugly on the series from the position of somebody who knows what's in B13, so I'll pass on it being that. That would leave the possibility that Jacques has a child. We know very little about Jacques's family life, so it's possible. People have speculated that he's the father of Fernald and Fiona, and that'd be my guess, but who knows? No wait, actually, I don't think that. Given the assumed ages of Jacques and Fernald, plus the fact that Fiona mentions him by name without any indication of a relationship, I'd guess not.

Secret #4: We knew this.

Secret #5: The most obvious selection is Count Olaf, but it could be somebody else entirely. It could be somebody we don't even know yet. Then again, since TBL will apparently talk about Olaf's childhood and such, it seems a reasonable guess. Sometimes the most obvious answer is the correct one.

Secret #6: Prufrock Prep., doubtless. I still disagree with the theories that it's an official V.F.D. training school, but that doesn't mean that, like all schools, it doesn't teach vital knowledge and skills for volunteers.

Secret #7: We knew this.

Secret #8: We knew this.

Secret #9: The most obvious answer seems the sugar bowl theft. At a stretch - and because there need to be other options - it could be the murder of Olaf's parents, though. Or something we don't know about.

Secret #10: We knew this.

Secret #11: We knew this.

Secret #12: We knew this.

Secret #13: This implies that either Lemony is dead, or he's completed B13. The latter seems most likely, and I don't think it'd be a good idea to kill off Snicket, but as I've already said, one never knows.

[lauren]

1.Lemony Snicket is not who you think he is.
Well so far we have been led to believe he is an innocent man in great danger. So this could be suggesting he is not as innocent as we all thought. Or it could be suggesting he is innocent and telling us that whatever the Daily Punctilio may say is false…which we already know.

2. Lemony Snicket is one of three siblings
Well yeah, we already knew that.

3. Lemony Snicket’s niece is an orphan.
Now this is very interesting. As far as I know Jacques does not have children…but Kit on the other hand. If Kit’s child is Lemony’s orphaned niece that would mean she would have to die in the 13th book.

4. Lemony Snicket is wanted for arson
We knew that.

5. Lemony Snicket grew up with a terrible villain.
That would fit in with everything that was revealed in TPP.

6. Lemony Snicket attended boarding school.
That I didn’t know but wether it is important to the story or not…
From this I think we can assume Lemony Snicket spent his childhood with Olaf because they attended the same boarding school most probably Prufock Prep.

7. When he was a baby Lemony Snicket was kidnapped by a secret organization.
Already revealed in TUA

8. Lemony Snicket was fired from The Daily Punctilio.
Revealed in TUA
9. Lemony Snicket helped Beatrice commit a serious crime before her death.
WOAH! Now that is interesting…at the moment I don’t think I’ll touch on the possibilities. At the moment I’ll be comfortable with the sugar bowl theft idea. Although that seems too small of a crime to be serious.
10. Lemony Snicket was disguised as a bullfighter when he was captured.
Again already revealed in TUA
11. Lemony Snicket's work is filled with secret messages meant for his associates.
Not told to us directly until now but I think we all already guessed this.
12. Lemony Snicket has a tattoo of an eye on his ankle.
We already know that.
13. He is finished
Hmmm? Finished the books? Or finished himself i.e. dead. Will he be around to write the 13th book or will his sister or someone else of relation be writing it for him? Is this referring to someone else being finished, like Olaf. Or is this suggesting that whoever or whatever is finished is not finished yet but by no doubt soon will be.

Also there are a lot of interesting clues hidden in the overviews of each book. Some of the ones I noticed:

Book the second
“Someone important disguised as a taxi driver passes unnoticed”
He has acknowledged what we have been speculating about for a while.

Book the third
“Aunt Josephine revealed her mother in law had only one eyebrow”
What the!? Olaf’s mum :-\ maybe? If that were so then Gregory Anwhistle would have had to have married a sister of Olaf.


Book the Sixth
“A plot involving a secret island is referred to.”
Although this is undoubtedly referring to the smuggling of the Quagmires. It just came to my mind that perhaps this is the island with the forbidden fruit?

Book the eighth
“The existence of a secret pocket of the Baudelaire’s mother’s coat is revealed.”
Hmmm?

Book the ninth
“A fortune teller’s crystal ball is broken for the 2nd time.”
Didn’t Lemony once get a fortune teller really angry…or am I just imaging things?
EDIT: Ah yes, TMM pg 73 "I was carrying a crystal ball belonging to a gypsy fortune-teller who never forgave me for tumbling to the ground and shattering the ball into hundreds of pieces"

[Dante]

lauren said:

Also there are a lot of interesting clues hidden in the overviews of each book. Some of the ones I noticed:

Oh, I didn't notice these. Probably because I was in too much of a hurry to read them.

Book the second
“Someone important disguised as a taxi driver passes unnoticed”
He has acknowledged what we have been speculating about for a while.

I agree. The TPP and TWW taxi drivers fit the same description, and it makes sense that the TRR one would be the same person, since they're apparently somebody very important. And while it's not absolutely certain that the taxi driver is Snicket, I would quite like it to be.

Book the third
“Aunt Josephine revealed her mother in law had only one eyebrow”
What the!? Olaf’s mum :-\ maybe? If that were so then Gregory Anwhistle would have had to have married a sister of Olaf.

Aunt Josephine's mother-in-law would be Ike and Gregor's mother. If the family tree in the U.A. is, in fact, a family tree (let's ignore the inconsistencies for now), and D is female, then having one eyebrow could be a family trait, as some have speculated - Olaf and Jacques, apparently linked by the family tree, both have one, and so might D. But anything to do with the family tree is a long shot, as there's lots of conficting evidence. (Incidentally, I don't recall Josephine mentioning this, so I'll try and look it up.)

Book the Sixth
“A plot involving a secret island is referred to.”
Although this is undoubtedly referring to the smuggling of the Quagmires. It just came to my mind that perhaps this is the island with the forbidden fruit?

The Quagmires said that Olaf said that he planned to hide them on an island until they were of age and he could steal the Quagmire sapphires from them. 1st book, 6th book, 12th book... I think these islands are all one and the same. And if that's right, it would seem that Olaf knows about it. Maybe it's his last safe place?

Book the eighth
“The existence of a secret pocket of the Baudelaire’s mother’s coat is revealed.”
Hmmm?

Uh, Klaus remembered that his mother had a secret pocket in her coat where she kept a small dictionary. Doesn't seem of much importance; just looks like a random detail. But one never knows. It would be the right size to hide a small box of poison darts...

Book the ninth
“A fortune teller’s crystal ball is broken for the 2nd time.”
Didn’t Lemony once get a fortune teller really angry…or am I just imaging things?
EDIT: Ah yes, TMM pg 73 "I was carrying a crystal ball belonging to a gypsy fortune-teller who never forgave me for tumbling to the ground and shattering the ball into hundreds of pieces"

I agree with your interpretation. This seems to confirm that we're right in that particular instance of dot-joining.

Edit: I'm going to start trying to type up some of this information, or fit it into compact little screenshots. I think that we should try to make sense of the chart of characters, and work out what all the links mean.

[A. the Returned]

This is very interesting, I found the book information more so than the shocking secrets. Most of these aren't really all that shocking although there are a couple of interest. I'm too tired to look at them properly now, so I'll do it tomorrow.

[Antenora]

I've got a screenshot of the character chart:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v368/pgdavis/Emily2/suspiciouscharacters.gif

Some of the links are obvious, such as Olaf's link to the hook-handed man, and Sir's to Phil. However, I wonder why Justice Strauss is connected to the woman with hair but no beard, but not to her sinister partner, despite all of them being judges. And I think the arrow extending from Hector to no place in particular represents his escape to the sky, and/or his general skittishness.

I'll see if I can get more screenshots later, but this seemed like the most important thing to get an image of.

[Deleted]

I am so happy I woke up this morining. So Frank Ernest and Dewey are realted to the woman with no beard but hair, who is not a blood realative of the man with no hair but a beard, which both of them are not directly related to Olaf so they can't be M and N.

Edit: It also looks like Mrs. Poe is related/'family' to Esme

[A. the Returned]

Why is Quigley mentioned in the description of TAA? Typing error perhaps.
I was wondering why Klaus is connected to Fiona and not Isadora and Violet to Quigley but not Duncan, have the Baudelaires and Snicket forgotten those relationships? The connection between Quigley and Mrs Bass seems interesting, also the Village of Fowl Devotees don't appear to be connected to anyone.
Edit: Also I diagree with speculation of this as a family tree.

[Deleted]

Hector is on the list, but his big black arrow goes nowhere.

[Dante]

a said:

Why is Quigley mentioned in the description of TAA? Typing error perhaps.
I was wondering why Klaus is connected to Fiona and not Isadora and Violet to Quigley but not Duncan, have the Baudelaires and Snicket forgotten those relationships?

I don't think all the connections mean "are related to." Some seem to be merely geographical, some might be "works with / knows this person," Violet is connected to Quigley and Fiona to Klaus I'd guess because of their respective ships, but there's difference between the lines and the Fiona-Klaus line has an arrow but the Violet-Quigley one doesn't. I'm not sure if the entire thing makes sense.

I also think some of the links go in sort-of chains, which is why Justice Strauss is only linked to the woman with hair but no beard - the link between the woman and her bearded companion links him to Strauss. It's a space-saving measure. Perhaps.

[Antenora]

hatramroany said:

I am so happy I woke up this morining. So Frank Ernest and Dewey are realted to the woman with no beard but hair, who is not a blood realative of the man with no hair but a beard, which both of them are not directly related to Olaf so they can't be M and N.

Edit: It also looks like Mrs. Poe is related/'family' to Esme

I don't think it's necessarily relations on that chart, as friends, lovers, coworkers, general allies, and people who just happened to be in the same scene at some point are connected to each other. As well as some that seem pretty random: Quigley and Mrs Bass? And I think the arrows on some of those lines are arbitrary, as are the styles of the lines.

As for the secrets we didn't already know:
Lemony Snicket's niece is an orphan
I think this is most likely Jacques' child, as Kit's child isn't born yet and she's not dead. Fernald and Fiona are probably too old to be Jacques' children, but since we know basically nothing about Jacques' past, his daughter could be someone we haven't met yet.

Lemony Snicket grew up with a terrible villian
If the villain is in fact Olaf, this could support the idea that he's Lemony's cousin, as the UA family tree seems to imply.

Lemony Snicket attended boarding school
I concur with Dante; that was most likely Prufrock Prep, which I don't think was an official VFD training school--even if some of the teachers were volunteers, or at least taught things that'd be useful for volunteers.

Lemony Snicket helped Beatrice commit a serious crime before her death.
"Before her death" is rather vague; how long ago did this happen? If we accept the Beatrice Baudelaire theory, then the murder of Olaf's parents is a good possibility. Whether she's the Baudelaire mother or not, the sugar bowl theft makes sense, as Lemony apparently stole the sugar bowl and Beatrice was accused of doing so.
(Screenshots removed from this post, as they've been added to the first)

[Dante]

Antenora, those screenshots are excellent. Thanks for providing them. I'll keep them in the first post. I'd do more myself, but somebody's fiddling with the electrics here, and the computer keeps on randomly switching off. Took me two attempts just to get those links into the first post.

Edit: The brief synopsis of each book - the "more X than Y, and almost as Z" things - all correspond exactly to the same thing on LemonySnicket.com, with the sole exception of TPP, which on LemonySnicket.com is "the last book before the last book." Hm. Maybe they were only trying to play up the penultimate aspect at the time of release, and now they just consider it another former book.

[Ligeia]

lauren said:

Book the third
“Aunt Josephine revealed her mother in law had only one eyebrow”
What the!? Olaf’s mum :-\ maybe? If that were so then Gregory Anwhistle would have had to have married a sister of Olaf.

TWW, page 48: (After Baudelaires insist Captain Sham is Count Olaf)
"But plenty of people have those characteristics," Aunt Josephine said. "Why, my mother-in-law had not only one eyebrow, but also only one ear."

[Leah is Bored]

Woah. I was not expecting anything like this to be put out until very close to the release date. I'm intrigued.
I doubt that Lemony's niece is Fiona, she's most probably a character we haven't met yet. Unless it's in a different time frame.
As for the Suspicious Characters 'tree', everyone who is related has a straight thin black line between the names. Also, on the right hand side, the background pattern changes. Am I just being paranoid here? I don't see anything that distinguishes the characters in that section from the other.
Oh, and thanks for finding this.

[Dante]

lellispinelli said:

As for the Suspicious Characters 'tree', everyone who is related has a straight thin black line between the names. Also, on the right hand side, the background pattern changes. Am I just being paranoid here? I don't see anything that distinguishes the characters in that section from the other.

If by "related" you mean blood-related, within the same family, then some of the links would be rather odd. White-faced Women #1, the Neither Man Nor Woman person, and Madame Lulu? Quigley and Mrs. Bass? Also note that Hooky and Fiona, a pair of siblings, are linked by a thick dashed line. I no longer think there's a pattern between the line usage, or a consistent one, or one that makes sense. (Embedded Edit: Some of them are blood relatives, though, but not necessarily very close ones. And I find it strange that Olaf isn't linked to the Baudelaires in any way...)

As for the images changing, I think that's due to glitches in the file when you move it around. It happens to me a lot.

Also, with the help of Antenora, then every page of the file has been screenshotted. The only things that have been cut out of the pictures are the Shocking Secrets, which are typed out below.

Edit: jtb, there aren't any lines linking the sinister duo and the Poes. There are two lines going in much the same direction, but they cross over - the line going from Poe links to Sir, and the line from the beardless woman links to Justice Strauss.